IDK I’m just gonna type and see what happens????

This is from my MySpace page. I posted it on April 12 of this year. I'm working on getting everything linked and switched to this...so bear with me please =)

Well I haven't written anything here in quite some time...not sure why, it's surely not from not having anything to write, I just haven't....
A lot has been going on in my life lately, changes, some good some not so nice and all for my good (at least eventually) I hope.
Most of you know, at least those close to me anyway, that before new years I fell and broke my kneecap...not so nice let me tell ya, I don't recommend having it on your list of things to do....and that marked the beginning of a journey not only of physical healing but spiritual as well.

God's been doing a lot in my heart and mind, rearranging a lot of things, showing me things about me that are rather ugly to say the least, yet all the while holding me close to His heart. It has been a heart wrenching, painful journey of inner reflection and "house cleaning" you could say. Yet all the while never being more than I could bear.

I am in awe at how loving, forgiving, unconditional, and compassionately God's mercy and love have been, in complete balance with his judgment, correction, and chastisement. I still marvel at the fact that though all this muck and mire that I've dragged Him though He still CHOOSES to chase after me...holding me...drawing me....wooing me back into His embrace, back into the safety of His great arms.

For reasons only completely understood by Him, He marked me, set me apart, and refuses to let me go (or get away with anything). I am so forever grateful to Him. It is beyond my human reasoning as to why me, why does He chase after me so, what is it that makes me so important to Him that He does this, and not just once, but many times over the past 2-3 years. I have wrestled with this time and time again and my only conclusion...because He loves ME and HE has a PLAN for my life that is way beyond what I can fathom.

It says in the Bible that even if I chose to make my very bed in hell He would still yet be there with me. Saying that no matter where you go, God is going to follow you and attempt all He can to get you to see your sin and turn from it. And know what, it doesn't have to be what we consider "big" sin either. It can be little things. Things that are seemingly harmless or not even noticeable until revealed by Him. I am beginning to think that the little things are more dangerous than the big things are.

Through all of this, I've had to re-evaluate some things in my life and make some adjustments. He's brought me face to face with my convictions and my lack of passion to stand behind them...hence hypocrisy at its best. What am I doing teaching one standard yet living by another, while attempting to uphold the appearance of the other? Fighting a battle raging within between body and spirit, one knowing what is right and the other attempting to ignore and or justify the wrong doing as "well maybe this is what I'm supposed to do". Bringing in another ugliness with that I came face to face with...pride...it's only a small 5 letter word but oh, the trouble that it can cause. You see the problem with pride is just that, it is little, it's really just a one-letter word, a word we say all the time, "I". Oh, the impact that one little word can have on our entire lives. Pride's plan of attack is simple, come in under radar, slide it quietly and unnoticed and than once planted, grow, grow, grow....its like kudzu, for those in the south you have a better understanding of this and the results of its seemingly harmless blooms. You see, kudzu is a flowering vine, not ugly or apparently harmful at first, but soon, left untended and it will overtake everything else. We have ravines here that are completely overtaken by it, during spring/summer you can see nothing but this vine, it overtakes everything in its path....trees, hillsides, buildings, poles, wires...it doesn't care, it will wrap itself around anything, eventually completely covering that which it is growing on and even changing its appearance. The tree that it is on, dads says eventually it will kill the tree, becoming like a leech or tumor, draining all the life from the tree for itself. And that's what pride does. It sneaks up on us, coming in as a small apparently insignificant decision of self, trailed by more little decisions, until eventually it's a twisted vine of decision after decision that leads you down a spiraling road that leads to spiritual death.
It doesn't take long for it to overtake you, and in my case it was subtle, nothing that would cause alarm in anyone, just decisions made, thoughts thought, actions committed, and plans made all for and by ME, Myself, and I. Without general concern for, or really consulting anyone, let alone God. I mean, I was praying and asking and believing...but I forgot the vital steps...waiting and listening...another flaw...impatience, or really just weariness in waiting is more like it.
You see this day and age is a disservice to us at times. We are so used to and programmed to expect everything immediately, right now, when we ask for it. Everything is better the faster we can get it from food, to the internet, to ATMs. We learn to expect a response or result the minute we pose the question. You see the problem with this though is that is not how God works. God is not on our demanding, fast paced, I needed that yesterday world. He is not controlled nor confined to time as we are and so He seems to us to always "take forever" or is "always late" when in reality He is always right on time, it is us who are impatient in our waiting for His perfected timing.

The irony of it all is we usually know this yet still become impatient, irritated, or start believing it is our fault. Thinking, maybe we're not doing something right, not saying something right, not in the right place, or a million other "reasons" or "excuses" our mind may attempt to rationalize the fact that we are standing here, still waiting on something we believe we should have already received. And that, that's when pride sees its opportunity to sneak in unrecognized as itself, under the cover of "I think this is what I should do" or whatever other "I" excuse it can find to ride in under the radar on. And once in, and operating, it has gained all the access it needs to continue its creeping journey of overtaking its host.

You see, that's what happened in my life anyway. I've found myself circling the same mountains and ruts over and over again. Trudging away at what I pretended was a great life, don't get me wrong, at times it was, but always knowing inside that "it's gotta be better than this", "there has got to be a better way", "I've seen this all before". Wondering when I was going to finally get on a new path.

From the book "Her Hand In Marriage" by Douglas Wilson

This is an excerpt from a book I read on relationships/courtship/dating and I thought I'd share it. If only all of us were taught to value our gift like this.

The Garden

As my horse trotted wearily up the road, I could see the walls of a beautiful garden ahead. Outside the gate was an equally beautiful woman. At the sound of my greeting, she turned and dropped a curtsy. "Good sir...good morning."

I looked at her, and then at the garden walls extending out to the right and left. Behind her was the garden gate.

I said, "I am very thirsty...for something clean."

She smiled, and her smile made me even thirstier. But still she said nothing.

"Is there water here?" I asked.

"There is a steam within my garden." Her statement was simply a statement of fact; there was no invitation at all in it.

I asked, "May I come in and drink?"

"No," she said. "The lord of my mother's garden does not permit that."

"Why is this? Other women have let me drink from the gardens that they tend." I glanced at the fruit-laden branches which were visible over the top of the garden wall. "You have a lovely garden, but those who let me drink had gardens just as beautiful."

She laughed at this, and her laugh was merry indeed.

"I have no doubt that you have been in some lovely gardens. But was the water clean?"

"No," I said, and in spite of myself, turned my head and looked down. She continued with a question. "Is that why you are no longer in the gardens tended by these women?"

I was ashamed so I did not answer her. Instead I looked past her into the garden. The path through the gate disappeared after a few feet, leaving the view of anyone on the road.

"It seams like a shame for such a garden to go to waste."

She seemed both puzzled and amused. "How does it go to waste?"

"Does any man drink from your stream?"

"No, but no man fouls it either."

"But is that not a waste? Was not your stream made to quench the thirst of travelers?"

"I'm afraid you are seriously mistaken. It was made to quench the thirst, not of travelers, but of the lord of the garden."

"Oh," I said, "This garden has a lord?"

"No," she said.

"Then I don't understand. Are you speaking in riddles?"

She smiled, "No I am not. The garden will one day have a lord, although it does not yet. The stream is for him alone."

"And who will your lord be?"

"When my mother's lord gives a blessing, the one whom I appoint."

"How can the lesser appoint the greater?"

"How can it not be so? When my lord comes, I will grant him my garden. But until I do, he is just another traveler."

"And what do you look for? I am sure there are many who knock at your gate?"

At this she blushed slightly but looked straight at me. "I will not have a lord who does not have a lord himself-my lord must have taken an oath of fealty to the Landlord."

"The Landlord? Who is he?"

"He is the owner of all the gardens along this road. In order to come into my garden, my lord must take an oath before the Landlord to tend the garden well. He must also swear that he will enter no other garden."

I had never heard such words as these before. "How long must he stay out of other gardens?"

"Forever."

"But what if he is born to travel?"

"Then he is not born for my garden."

"I see," I said, becoming a little angry. "Then why have I never heard of such an oath? I have been in many gardens."

"Yes, you said that before. But was the water clean? Were the gardens tended? That is what happens when there is no oath."

"So that is all? If someone takes an oath before this Landlord, you will make him your lord?"

"No."

"Well, what else then?"

"There are many men who think they can tend my garden well, and who would be willing to swear an oath before the Landlord saying so. But that does not mean that my mother's lord, or I, share their confidence."

"What do you mean?"

" I mean that I know the extent of the garden. I have a knowledge of it that cannot be gained from the road. But no man can share that knowledge until after I have made him my lord and husband. So I must have the measure of the man before."

"So what must a man do? It seems like much work."

She smiled once again. "There is much work. There is also much fruit."

"So what must a man do?"

"The first thing is to-"

"Yes, I know. He must swear to the Landlord. But after?"

"He must return to me, and ask to see my mother's lord."

"And what would he say?"

"That depends on the man." At this parting comment, she turned and walked slowly back into the garden, pulling the gate closed behind her. I spurred my horse, which began to trot down the road. I did not know what to think, But I needed to find this Landlord.

SKYDIVING

WOW....that was the most exhilarating experience I have ever had.....I would so do it again and again!!!
There are not words to express what it's really like, you just have to experience it for yourself!!!!

CSC Pics

Skydiving

Thankfulness

Originally posted on MySpace 11/16/07

So I was sitting here thinking about Thanksgiving and about what I will say this year when asked the standard question during this time of year..."What are you Thankful for?" This is what I've come up with so far...

I'm thankful I live in a country that even though is far from its spiritual foundations is still one of the only countries where I am free and safe to Worship my Savior

I'm thankful I have wonderful parents who have sacrificed so many things throughout the years just to see me nurtured, healthy, and even a little spoiled.

I'm thankful I have family, even though I live so far away from most of them, they are always in my heart and mind and I cherish the memories that live within my heart. And I know that I could call any time and any one of them would be right there for me, and I hope they know I'd do the same.

I'm thankful for my brothers, who throughout the years have gone from being pesky little "brats" to my very best friends in the world. Boys, so many of my favorite and best times have been shared with ya'll and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world. You both are treasures to me.

I'm thankful for my friends here in TN that have become my family. It's hard leaving all you know behind, but your friendships and love make it easier to be so far away. Thank you for the memories, the laughs, the tears, the smiles, the good times and even the bad. I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm thankful for my job, not for the money but for the opportunity to share one of the most amazing things in the world with perfect strangers. Its an amazing thing to witness the joy of birth and I am honored to have shared so many memories with people I'll never see again. Its a privilege to be trusted to help a women through the toughest journey she has ever embarked on.

I'm thankful for the things in my life that I once regretted. I've learned that although there may have been a better way to make it though, those experiences are apart of who I am. I've come to terms with the fact that fretting over them will not change them and nothing I can do will make it go away. I've realized that its best to learn, gain the wisdom available and move on, leaving everything else behind. Its a heavy load to carry the past around with you, its a lot better to just lay it down, repent and go on to better things.

I'm thankful for everyday that I get a chance to live once again. Some aren't granted another day, and I never want to take it for granted.

I'm thankful for my cousins and their fellow service men who have laid down their lives for our nations freedom. I know many have given their actual life's, I'm thankful that my cousins have simply given their service, but I take not for granted that at any moment that couldv'e changed.

I'm thankful that God chose to save me from myself. I was born hell-bound and deserved nothing less, yet even before I was born He chose to send His only Son to this sin-ridden, dead world and rescue us from ourselves. He had nothing to gain and no guarantee that we'd even respond, but HE took the chance and laid down His life, in hopes that His creation would take it as a gift of unadulterated, unfathomable, incomparable, unwarranted, unchangeable, never ending LOVE. I chose to take it and its the best thing I ever did. =)

So, thats some of what I'll say this year when I'm asked what I'm thankful for!!! (at least this year I won't go...mmmmm, well, lets see...IDK!haha)